i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
