everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
