i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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