i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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