Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
