so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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