i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
