Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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