It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
