Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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