You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
