i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
