I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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