Duck Duck Cougar?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
