dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
