Old men and throwing up are my life now.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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