How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
