you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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