What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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