We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
