please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
