is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
