He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
