well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
