Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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