i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
