so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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