I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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