You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
