who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
