I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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