hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Everclear isn't food dammit
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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