did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
