thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
