based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Houston, we have a blender
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
