Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
