At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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