the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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