I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
