I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
