I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
