he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
