it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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