Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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