he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Randomize
