I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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