Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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