hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
