if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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