It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
