Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
