be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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