honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
