discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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