It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
