I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
