Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
