Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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