Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
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In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
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It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize