that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
