I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize