At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
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Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
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If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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