Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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