another moral hangover. fuck.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
