i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
